Saturday, 15 February 2014

With A Pinch Of Salt- At God's Conference

Even the three days of practicing before the mirror, having myself video recorded, wasn't enough. Still wanted to get it perfect for this big one. After all, how many times do you get to make a presentation to God Himself?

D-Day arrived, there we were five of us at the appointed time. We were ushered in by His Angels. God walked in and we all stood up in awe. God waved to us informally and said
'Sit down, make yourselves comfortable'

The Image Management Expert spoke first 'With due respect, isn't it time You revisited your wardrobe? You look grand in Your flowing robes. I can imagine just how smart You'd look in a tailored suit! Your hair also needs styling. Also, You need to be versatile in your dressing: its almost as if You are dressed for a mythological epic! Separate formal and casual wear for starters. Clothes maketh God, too!'

'We are the world's No.1 Celebrity management firm' preened the young lady.
'I can visualise the potential of a rock solid PR structure for You. Consider this: at present your devotees have no real direct communication link with you. The middlemen 'representing' you are ruining your image! The PR team would help establish a direct access to You all the time without You having to be disturbed for petty things'

Next up was the Wealth Management Expert.
'You are in control of the resources of the Universe. I doubt if You have ever kept a track of how Your assets are managed. Surely, we could invest these mind-boggling resources more optimally and work wonders! All You need to do is authorise me and my competent team to take care of all the intricacies. I won't charge You a fee, too. A few referrals would suffice'

The Fitness Expert eagerly took his turn to speak.
'It might seem arrogant, God, but aren't you out of shape? Look at You! All the offerings and adulation by your devotees has made You soft. Healthy mind in healthy body. A three months fitness program with me with strict diet regimen and viola! You'll have the six-packs that You see on me!'

I was glad had the chance to make the concluding presentation.
'I wonder if You are even aware of what Your Personal Brand is worth! What if we monetised it!
Firstly lets set up Your Social Media accounts. God's own Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram andGoogle+ accounts! Your own FB Page! Whoa!! One Billion followers in a jiffy guaranteed! The servers would crash! Doesn't stop at that! Out of sight is out of mind. The world is rapidly forgetting that You exist. We'll set up a Blog for You. I'll even volunteer to ghost write for You. Imagine a perfect Klout Score of 100 : You'll be a rockstar of the Internet!'

God looked at all of us. He said with tearful eyes, 'I am so moved by all the concern and love all of you have for my welfare'

'If I bother so much about myself, who's going to bother about seven billion of you jokers on Earth!'

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